Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
