I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
