I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
