i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
