I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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