I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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