i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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