dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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