the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
