We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
