I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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