some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
