I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
