i don't like sucking hair
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
