at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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