I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
