Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
