I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
