I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
