hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
