How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
