But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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