hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
