you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
