Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
