four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
