rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
