I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
