Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
