My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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