the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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