The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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