What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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