Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
