Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
