soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
