question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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