he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
