Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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