i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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