Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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