I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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