Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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