I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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