We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
