I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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