i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
