No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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