so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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