I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
