I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
