What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
