Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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