I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
