The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
