I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
