It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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