Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
