if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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