I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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