I love black thongs
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
