if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
