i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
