I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
