I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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