why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
are you so shy because you have an std?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
