these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
