Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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