Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
