took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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