brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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